Friday, 5 December 2014

Yes I Will Blame the Victim - Kelly Savage Deserves no Sympathy

Kelly Savage has been behind bars in California's Valley State Prison for Women. This year marks her 19th year in prison after she was convicted under the failure to protect laws in California for the death of her 3 year old son who was beaten to death by her husband Mark Savage.

Kelly had a history of being abused by Mark Savage, and had never tried to leave the abusive relationship until 15 hours before she allegedly says she was going to leave Mark Savage with her children. At her trial, the prosecutor argued that, because she had not fled, she was equally at fault for her son's death. Both she and Mark were convicted of torture and first-degree murder and sentenced to life without the possibility of parole.

Kelly Savage has said that she was beaten and raped by many people in her life since the age of 3, including her father, her uncle, her stepmother's stepfather, and a trusted friend of her father. The police had allegedly been called several times, they did nothing to stop the abuse or remove Kelly from her abusers when she was young. At 18 she got married, but her husband also turned out to be physically and sexually abusive. She became pregnant with him and two months before her son Justin was born in December 1991 she left.

A year later she met Mark Savage who also quickly became both physically and sexually abusive. Kelly offered an explanation as to why she did not leave the abusive relationship with Mark:

"I was about to leave him when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter - I made a stupid choice. I didn't want to have two kids without a father, so I stayed." 

Their daughter Krystal was born on November 25, 1993. The couple married the following month.

So She admits she left a previously abusive relationship while pregnant with Justin, but decided to stay with another abusive partner because she didn't want to have another child without a father? To me this hardly makes any sense at all. She knew abusive relationships were toxic which is why she left the first one, but ignored that fact because she was having another kid? First of all, why was she being so careless so as to get pregnant again in another abusive relationship she herself admits she wanted to leave from? There are many ways to prevent pregnancy, and he did not keep her tied down at home so that she could not access any of those options if she had wanted to. If she wanted to she could have had an abortion and not had to worry about having another child without a father, and then  leave him like she said she was planning to do, if that is in fact true, which I am not very sure it is.

I suspect she is lying and actually thought a child would change Mark and stop the abuse. Many women think having a child will fix all kinds of relationship problems, especially abuse, but they rarely do, and many times exasperate problems in the relationship. I doubt she was ever truly planning on leaving Mark, but rather was trying anything she thought might work in the desperate hopes that he would change.

The re-occurring theme in Kelly's relationship with Mark seems to be that she was always "just about to leave him", but she never seems to be able to follow though in time. Coincidence? I don't think so. I think she never intended to leave Mark and just kept hoping he would change at some point and stop the abuse. She never did anything to stop it herself - in fact she did things that only served to make her, and Justin's, situation worse.

The night before Justin's death, Kelly woke to her son screaming and her husband yelling. When she tried to enter Justin's room, she reported that Mark pushed her out before tossing the boy onto the bed. It was the first - and only - time she says had ever seen Mark hit Justin. Usually, she recalled, the boy seemed attached to his stepfather. In court later, she learned that this was traumatic bonding, in which an abuse victim, in an attempt to deflect further harm, forms an emotional attachment to the abuser.

The next day, Kelly put her children to bed for a nap before running some last-minute errands. When she returned home, Justin was no longer breathing. She called 911, but Justin was already dead.

Regardless of how many times she may or may not have seen Mark abuse Justin, did it never occur to her to call the police that one time she admits to witnessing it? And I am truly not buying that she thought that Mark was not abusing Justin in any way. She is either lying, covering up for knowingly putting her child in harm's way, or a complete moron.

Call me crazy, but as a mother myself I can tell you that if I had been in her shoes, watching and hearing my child being beaten and abused, I would have either called the police in a heartbeat and not have cared what that scum bag might do to me if I did, or I would have fought tooth and nail to get in that room and protect my child, consequences to me be damned. Our role as parents is to protect our children at all costs, and that means that if we, as parents, have to put our lives on the line to do so, we should damned well do it. There is not any excuse in the world that Kelly could give to justify her inaction and complete failure as a parent to protect her child.

As a mother myself, who left an abusive partner who not only beat on me, but my children, I can tell you it's not impossible to do when the choice is between an abuser and the well-being of your kids. Yes it's hard to physically get up and leave, and yes you have to pull yourself up by your big girl undies to get by when you leave, but you do it because you are the adult and your duty as a parent to your kids is to keep them safe. You do anything, go anywhere, and get the hell out. It's not rocket science ladies. You don't wait for days while you pack your kids stuff up like Kelly did. You go, right then and there, as soon as you have the chance with or without anything but your kids and the clothes on your back.

It's almost like this is some foreign concept to these feminist dolts that will try any excuse in the world to justify a mother staying in an abusive relationship and deliberately endangering the welfare of their children. Because that is exactly what it is. When you stay with an abuser for any reason, you are equally as guilty in any abuse your child may suffer at the hands of the abuser.

And please stop calling yourself a victim, because the harsh reality is that you are also an abuser. You stood by and did nothing while your child was being harmed. Sorry sister, you don't get the right to have any sympathy here. You just want it so you can feel better about being an accomplice to a horrible crime, and to assuage your guilty conscious. You want people to tell you that you are somehow a good person, even though deep down you know you are just as guilty for the abuse of your child by having done nothing to help them. You may have well have abused them by your own hand if all you did was do nothing and then cry victim after the fact. Your tears are not impressive.

In court, the prosecutor used her history of abuse to argue that Kelly enjoyed being beaten and that she allowed her husband to beat Justin in order to please him.

This I can believe, even if feminists would prefer to fall all over themselves in shock and horror that anyone could say such a thing about a female abuse victim - But I'll be that 'anyone' for you, ok?

I bet you a million dollars that she in fact did enjoy the abuse because she has only ever known abuse to be a type of expression of love, as sick as that may be. She was abused for so long by her family that she picked abusive men to have relationships with. It does not take a genius or a Psychologist with a PhD to tell you that this type of thing is common for people who were abused at a young age. The proof is right in front of anyone who cares to look. Her son Justin was said to have had traumatic bonding with Mark, so it should come as no surprise that Kelly probably did too, and that she probably enjoyed it, and most likely allowed Justin to be abused by Mark as well, because to Kelly that is how love is expressed - through abuse.

She most definitely deserves to be behind bars for failing to protect her son. She is indeed just as guilty as Mark for Justin's death. We should not be falling all over ourselves to free Kelly from prison because the reality is she is not an innocent victim. She knew the risks and she knew her son was in danger, yet did nothing. She is the one who completely failed her son, and I would even dare to say that she deserves more blame than Mark because she is still so heavily in denial about any of the responsibility she had towards her son. It was not Marks biological son, and he had no ultimate responsibility towards Justin. He was known to be abusive and yet she would leave Justin in his care, so who is really to blame here? You do not put a loaded gun in a child's hand and hope he does not pull the trigger. Children are hard to deal with most days, and even as a biological parent you can get easily frustrated or exasperated. Now imagine leaving your child who can test the patience of a saint with a known abuser who has no real relationship to the child. I wonder if that would be a good idea? On what planet?

So yes, Kelly, and other women like her, deserve to rot in jail for allowing their children to be horribly abused, and in this case killed. Being a failure as a parent does not earn you any points here, and your failure as a parent, as an adult, and as a decent human being to protect your child should be exposed.

You are not a victim - The child who was being abused over and over because of you and your inaction is.

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