Friday, 6 March 2015

The Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini Fairytale Romance is Over

I know, I'm a little late to the party, but I just had to write a post about the latest lover's quarrel between Jordan Owen (AKA 'Bathtub Boy') and Davis Aurini (AKA 'Skull Boy').

It seems their 'documentary' about Anita Sarkeesian and #GamerGate has fallen to the wayside, as the once fairytale romance between Bathtub Boy and Skull Boy turns into a large pile of smoldering monkey shit that they are now excitedly flinging at each other. (Here and here).

The reason for the break-up? Davis has declared his undying love for Roosh (a slimy creature from the depths of the PUA cesspool who advocates rape be legal) and Jordan has decided to set Davis free to be with his true love, Roosh, so they can run away together, hand-in-hand. 'If you love something set it free' - Fly Davis... Fly.

As the lovers part ways in less than amicable fashion, one must ask some serious questions - who gets custody of Davis' skull? Will he have to share his only suit and turtleneck with Jordan every second weekend? Will Jordan have to split his belt collection 50/50? Will he get to keep vlogging from his bathtub?

Indeed these are pressing questions that the public deserves to know since they, Davis and Jordan, are obviously incapable of handling this in a professional or mature way. Sadly, the innocent skull is the one stuck in the middle of it all, while childish insults are being hurled from both sides. Can't they put their petty bullshit aside for a moment and think of how that poor skull feels?

There is no way to be serious about this. Aurini and Owen are just absolutely ridiculous in more ways than I can count. Their attempts to come across as even mildly professional in any of their videos or blogs are pure comedy gold for anyone with an IQ over 50.

Davis' constant  pathetic attempts at being 'manly' while wearing daddy's suit and posing as some sort of caricature of Huggy Bear is utterly side-splitting. His delusions of being a 'ladies man' make him a complete laughing stock. He's the embarrassingly sad loser in the bar who thinks he has a hope in hell of getting a woman who isn't brain dead to even acknowledge that he exists. Jordan seems to have no clue what a razor or scissors are for. His desire to be a perpetual teenage metal head seems to have blinded him to the fact that he is no longer 14 and needs to start taking a little more pride in his appearance. He also does not seem to understand that no one wants to see his hairy chest, back hair, or his under-toned and pasty white skin soaking in a bathtub while vlogging. Unless he is willing to provide his viewers with a lifetime supply of eye bleach and compensation for visually assaulting anyone watching those videos, I would seriously suggest that he never do any videos in any state of undress again... EVER.

Anyone who thought that giving them any money for their 'documentary' was somehow a good idea needs to have their head examined. To think that these two could ever produce anything even mildly coherent or professional after seeing any of their previous videos is laughable, yet somehow some people thought that they'd invest their money on a feminist bashing video that is promising to be the intellectual equivalent of a Beavis and Butthead movie, was for some reason, a good idea. And isn't that what this is really all about?

The only reason these two douchenozzles got any support for their so-called 'documentary' was because some people hate Anita Sarkeesian and feminism so much that it blinded them to the clear fact that these two clowns were completely incapable of making any type of film, let alone a full-length professional documentary. All one has to do is see Davis' latest attempt at some sort of film school drop-out neo-noir short that would make any serious film-maker's ears bleed and eyes vomit. The acting and dialogue are worse than an amateur porn flick, and the martial arts scenes would make Bruce Lee turn over in his grave and cry. If this is the type of 'professional' film quality one can expect, then the documentary should be the most epic piece of festering horse shit the world has yet to see.

So now these scorned lovers are planning on assaulting the public with two pieces of their cinematic genius instead of one. Both are asking for support (and to be believed), and their fans are wandering about dazed and confused as to who to support, and who is the better douchenozzle. The drama here is so thick that Drama Llama may have suffocated and died on it.

It's a wonderful tale of the blind leading the stupid with a healthy portion of schadenfreude mixed in. Disney really needs to swoop in and get the rights to this story. It will make for one of the the best romantic comedic tragedy films of the century. I laughed, I cried, I threw-up a little in my mouth.

Written by Kristina Hansen
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